A Not So Silent Tuesday...

I know that the point of this is supposed to be silent support for those affected by the tragedy that struck the small town in CT. I, however, thought it was important to write this post though, so I will stick with it.

I am getting emotional right now just thinking about those poor, sweet babies whos life was ended way too soon. I think about their families that are left to pick up the pieces and "move on" when it doesn't seem possible. I think about how close it is to Christmas and it all just makes me want to crawl into bed and cry.

The problem is it's not about me. What I feel is nowhere even close to the pain that those directly affected by this tragedy are feeling. My fear of bringing a child into this world after something like this is so miniscule compared to what that town is going through right now.

I had to get away from social media the last few days because I couldn't believe some of the things I was reading. People are so up in arms over this tragedy and are demanding change this very instant. Great...fine...I think we all want change. The only problem is our lives will go on. Can't we demand change tomorrow? Can't we just mourn the loss of those 20 children and 7 adults right now? Must it be a battle right now?

The families of those killed are not worried about the politics of gun control right now. They are worried about how to move past this. Where they should lay their loved ones for their final resting places. They want answers...answers they realize they may never get.

I guess the point I am trying to make is please take the time to mourn those lost and allow their families to do the same. Battle over politics (because at the end of the day that is what it is) later. Pray for those affected and leave your opinions at the door. This tragedy is not about you, or even me. It is about those 27 innocent lives that were so violently taken from this world one cold Friday morning in December.

Please don't forget to visit the site shown above and donate if you can!

...it was then that I carried you.

Well the last 24 hours have been a complete whirlwind. I've received some of the best news of my life, some of the worst news and then there is the shooting in Colorado...

My feelings are very mixed today about how to react to the last 24 hours. I don't know how to react or even how much I want to say. Due to that, today's blog will be very short and sweet.

My heart, prayers and deepest sympathies go out to the families of the injured and deceased in Colorado on this early Friday morning. I pray that the man responsible is brought to justice and you are able to find some peace in time.

Gone but Never Forgotten

Today is a hard day for some reason. Nothing special (or horrible) happened on this day in the past that I know of…but I just can’t shake this sad feeling I have. I had a dream last night about my Uncle Grant. I’ve been having them a lot since he passed away for some reason and I don’t know why… Hopefully writing about it helps. J

I found out my uncle had stage 4 Lung Cancer this last February. It was scary to think about at first because his girlfriend had just given birth to their baby Stacey Mai just two months before.

We all tried to stay positive though and constantly gave him words of encouragement. We would Skype or chat on FB messenger whenever we both were online. He was the one person that never judged me because he knew that he made mistakes too…

I have so many great memories of him that I am tearing up thinking about all of them. He was a great man that never made a promise that he didn’t intend to keep.

I remember sitting on my parent’s bed in Loomis and calling him while he was in Taiwan. I could have talked with him for hours, but international calls aren’t exactly cheap and I usually got booted off of the phone fairly quickly.

I remember being in kindergarten and asking what type of person I should marry and he joked that if my future husband could get past my dad and him then they were golden…and not to fear because if it never happened I would smarten up and marry for money. Haha. Years later he taught me the beauty of Ross. He would take me there to buy “expensive” name brand gifts for his many girlfriends. He would let them think that he spent all of this money on them when he was really saving a bundle because he was shopping at Ross.

Then there was our late night yahoo chats when I was in high school and never slept. He usually would introduce me to his current girlfriend or take me on a tour of his new apartment. It was great. It was a way to spend time with him while he was so far away.

I have to say though that my favorite memory of him was his surprise birthday party this year. He was already pretty sick and my grandmother had told me that she didn’t think he had ever had a birthday party that was just for him. I decided it was unacceptable for a 51 year old man to have never had a birthday party and decided to throw him one. Now I got a lot of help from my mom, sister and grandma…but in the end it turned out great. It was Batman themed because that was his favorite superhero growing up and I thought he needed all the help he could get. We all showed up and walked into his room with batman masks on. I will never forget his face as long as I live. It was pure shock and bewilderment mixed together. He didn’t recognize us with the masks on…not even my grandpa! It was great. We ate batman cake, had singing Batman balloons…the works. It was here that I asked him if he would walk me down the aisle in the California wedding later in the year. He told me he would be honored to and I told him that I would hold him to it.

Unfortunately my uncle lost his battle with Cancer almost 3 months ago on August 6, 2011…just shy of 6 months after learning he had it. I had spent almost 48 hours straight in the hospital because I didn’t want him to be alone. Nobody deserves to be alone.

Uncle Grant kept his promise though…he was at my wedding on October 23 and walked me down the aisle. I had ladybugs everywhere. I remember telling him when he was sick that his Oncologist told me that they were the universal sign of Cancer patients and that I would know it was him checking up on me every time I saw one. About half way through the reception one of my uncles pulled me aside and showed me a lady bug on a leaf in the corner where they were all sitting. I smiled at the time, but I really wanted to cry. He kept his promise. J

What happened to him wasn’t fair and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Now I may have idolized him as a child, but he definitely earned my respect as an adult. He was my uncle, my Godfather and most of all a friend. I am soooo thankful for all of those apartment tours now and the Skype chats that we had. I was given a chance to get to know my uncle when he lived so very far away and at the end of the day that is what I will remember. J